I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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