I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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