omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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