ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
