My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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