I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
