I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
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