you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
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St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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