Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
