Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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