I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
