I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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