How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
