I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
