where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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