he thought i was a dude.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
