You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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