the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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