it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Randomize
