opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize
