Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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