I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
