He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
