I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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