I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
he just fucked me for my cheese..
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
