If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
My first STD was from a foam party
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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