So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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