Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
