I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
