i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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