Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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