i can't believe i had my finger in that
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
