Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
