He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
