she woke up with a sticky ear
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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