Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
