Plan B is the new Plan A
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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