we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
