all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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