Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
