Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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