I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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