I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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