That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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