So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
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