Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
