i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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