I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
