smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
