If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
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Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
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