wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
she smelled like a LAN party
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
