A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
