woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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