Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
