I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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