Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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