I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
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What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
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I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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