so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
