Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
