I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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