I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
wow bdsm is so cute
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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